>>>Read this post first, before reading the rest below, which is my response...........................................................................................
""Men are becoming less interested in establishing meaningful relationships with other people as an ultimate goal than in inventing identities for themselves."" This is totally right! But the way I see it, there is an angle in it all that you fail to address and is extremely important. Men are pushed by society to be a winner, yet very few of us can be a winner, or the kind of winner society appreciates. Thus, your self esteem pays the price, and you take refuge in other things that are not so uncertain (computers, shared activities with male buddies, cars, whatever...)unstable and demanding as a girl by your side can be. I am not so sure that the problem is porn. The problem is that society is succeeding in making men feel innadequate, not good enough, not needed, etc. Besides, the "models" we are supposed to reach are so high...who can reach them? Who can be a Beckham or a di Caprio and move around that kind of money? It seems that anything below that is just not good enough. And we've all heard the jokes about our girlfriends leaving us for ... Sometimes it feels as if girls will run away with one like that as soon as they have the chance if they meet him.(And many of them won't even deny it when really pushed to talk. However, nobody can blame them, they're psychologically wired to look for security in a man) Moreover, when you are older (I am 32 success rate ok++ with girls but single and not looking)
and you learn about the law, you also realize that you could lose all what you have work so hard for, if you even co-habit with a woman for a period of time and break up. The law favours them in most cases in the developed countries. In case that you have children, it is even worse, they may not only take most of your net worth with them, but can also legally force you to stay away from your children, or see them very little. So you are broke, lack the affection of the woman that most probably you loved, and can't see your children often. Would you look forward to be with a girl if you were in a man's place today? Porn is quick, easy and clean. The other option is complicated, uncertain, requires time, energy and has absolutely no guarantee of long term success whatsoever. What would you choose? What level of commitment would you offer to a woman? Wouldn't you use porn if your hormones are still pushing hard? And what is most worrying for society...would you look for a woman in the first place?! And, most importantly, even if you want to, how could you get the courage to get into all this when society makes you feel like the biggest loser in the world even when you are trying your best? There is pressure to succeed on women, yes, but there is more in men. It is as if society says "if you can't bear children, and you can't succeed, what the hell are you here for?" And you have no answer. Maybe in that moment you turn your computer on and get it all off your mind in a few minutes... Nobody is to be blamed, but society in general.
It is easy to accuse men of "not being adequate anymore" with a giggle of sarcasm (turning the knife in the wound of young men's insecurities and making the problem worse) without going in depth into the reasons for it. I see men not being understood, supported, cared for, everwhere, all the time.
I see more men spending time with computers, videogames, work...you name it. Is it because we love it so much? No. In many cases, it is because this is the least hostile escape valve we have. It is because there we find a sense of achievement that is denied to us in other fields of our lives.
In order for an articulated, sensitive man to give good sex to a woman, he has to feel valued. Take that out of the equation and the end result of the operation will logically change. It is ok to think and talk about women's need for support, there are even organizations that cater for and defend women's rights in all kinds of areas. But none defend men's. I am not saying that this is good or bad or that men have not had a position of power before. Probably.
I am just saying that what happens is logical, and has little to do with porn or no porn. The problem is men's feeling of inadequacy. If there wasn't porn, men would be hunting, playing football, or doing anything else. Porn is just a side symptom of the problem. It has little to do with its root. Regards
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